peer review research paper

Min:

Like Carlie said, I think you did a great job with the goo of the story. I found it very easy to follow what you were doing and your thought processes. You did include a good amount of prickles and I do not think you need more, but I think it could use a little more in depth analysis of the prickles. For example, you could go into more depth about why taking breaks helps the mind remember the information better. In addition, I like how you had a strong plan of what you were going to do for the experiment beforehand. I like how the three options were separated in an easy to understand manner. I also think the question is relevant to a lot of people so that it’s easy to relate to. I actually was forced to take a break while analyzing this draft due to the fireworks and it helped me formulate my thoughts better (even though the break was forced because I could not concentrate). There were some grammatical errors but those are minor and can be fixed easily. I really enjoyed your experiment and think the draft is a strong base, the only significant thing I would do is expand more on the prickles or use more prickles to analyze your questions more scientifically.

Carli: 

I found your essay to be very interesting. This is mainly due to the fact a good majority of the things you said, I was one of those people you were talking about (do not worry it did not hurt my feelings). I think you did a great job of telling your story, but I think it could have had more in depth analysis of your feelings. Personally I know sometimes when I am bored, alone with nothing to do I cannot help but to pull out my phone. I forget I checked the same social media one minutes ago. In addition, you could talk about how often you find yourself in situations where you are uncomfortable or feel like you should pull out your phone because everyone else is. You had a good amount of prickles to expand on your narrative but I think it could use more, for example you could talk about the science of addiction to the “high” you get from your phone. You could have prickles about disorders where people think their phone is going off at all times and it is not. Finally I think you could be more specific on the things you used your phone for such as only calls or important texts. All in all I think it’s a well written essay.