Noelle Noelle

This article was about attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and the controversies behind the disorder. I really like the title because it really makes readers question what it is about, also it kind of follows in the line of ADHD. The hook is good but I would like to know what ADHD stands for earlier in the introduction rather than having to find in later in the article. Also it was kind of confusing what “founder of ADHD” meant, maybe you could talk about how he founded it later in the article and important discover, etc. The introduction was good in general and provided good context on the issue. The listing of topics helps the reader follow the article better and keeps the article more organized. I like how the first paragraph added the authors own personal story to the paper, and allows the reader to relate to the author better. However, I think the first body paragraph could be elaborated on. For example, you can emphasize more how easy it was to get a prescription. I like how the next paragraph makes it seem like it is hard to get a prescription but the author subtlety makes it seem easy. The body paragraphs have good transitions between them. The body also is very strong on narrative and goo. There are prickles in the body but I think that there could be more. I think it may be hard to find more so this is not a big deal; also, the nature of this article does not call for a lot of prickles. The end of the body has a few short paragraphs that seem to be a little repetitive and could use some elaboration. It is only the draft so the author could still be finishing. The conclusion bring a good end to the article by bringing in everything. I really like the second to last paragraph because it makes me connect more to the author. 

Minh analysis

This research article was about transgender people, specifically people who feel their sex and gender are opposed. The authors introduction is good, and it provides good background information to provide context on what a transgender person is and the issue behind them (that they face extreme discrimination and internal strife). The introduction does not really have any interesting fact or story that draws in the reader’s attention, but I think that the title does a good job of that. So maybe if you add something into the introduction it would be even better. The paper is organized very well, and I like how every paragraph is clearly distinguishable for another one. The transitions between paragraphs are also pretty solid. I like how in the paper you do a very good job putting a human touch on what you are saying. You make it easier to understand the point of view of the transgender without using an actual quote or personal experience. The paper is also effective in that it does have prickles, such as the number of LGBT Americans. I would say that there could be more prickles but the nature of the paper isn’t based off facts and numbers. I like how the different topics have a specific case that elaborates on the topic. It helps the readers understand the issue at hand while also putting a human touch on it. The audience of this piece is also very wide. As pointed out in the paper, this is an issue that all of America faces so anyone can read this article and learn how to be more accepting of different people. The conclusion was very good at bringing the paper to a close and summarizing what the author felt. I like how the authors stand on the issue wasn’t apparent until it was specifically said. All in all I like the paper a lot and think it is almost ready to be finished. 

Zswoope

The topic was interesting but the introduction needs more background context to draw in more of an audience. There are not really any attention grabbers, such as an interesting fact or a story. Also the title could be more of an attention grabber because the title makes the article sound like an informational. The topics are introduced as a questions, which is good for organization and helping people follow the article. I like how the author added the questions because it opened my eyes on genetically modified organisms and all the different aspects of them. The transitions could be smoothed out better so that the relationships between the different topics are shown. It is effective that the topics are clearly outlined and described in each paragraph. However, the topic can be further expanded on to lengthen the article and provide a human touch to the paper. I like how there are questions that are used to introduce the next topics because it lets the readers know what the authors thought process is. I would like to hear more information about the human organ growing, that is a very interesting topic. It can also be used to expand on. The draft also needs a conclusion, but it is only a draft so it not a problem. The conclusion can be used to summarize your personal opinion about genetically modified feed or animals. Also I would have liked to see some more of the other side of the argument, such as cases of when a genetically modified organism went wrong. All in all I like the article, it is interesting and informative. The article could use some polishing but this is only the draft so it is fine. 

600 words and 3 hours later

Most people believe that honeybees are just bugs that fly flower to flower, stinging whomever happens to walk into their path to the nearest flower. Bees actually place one of the most vital roles in modern day society. They account for 80% of all the pollination done in agriculture (backyard). If you are still not convinced, picture sitting at the dinner table and one third of all the food on the table disappeared. Bees do their part in the agricultural process by spreading pollen between flowers as they are blooming in the spring. Pollen is the male reproductive cell that all flower plants produce. As they fly from flower to flower, the pollen sticks to the bees and then steals a ride to whichever flower the honeybee goes to next. The pollen, which is one of the most nutritious substances in nature, is then used as a fuel source for the hive. However, since 2006 the beekeepers have noticed a sharp decline in their bee populations. This is a major problem because the estimated $40 billion agriculture business depends on these bees so that they can start growing crops again (Hagopian). Their sudden die off is causing a major buzz in the science community because they cannot determine a concrete cause for this issue. There are many different factors that can cause this die off, and there is now extensive effort to solve this problem because of their importance.

One of the major factors that scientists are looking at is the disease called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD). Colony Collapse Disorder is describe as the sudden disappearance of worker bees from the hive, even though there are babies to tend to, a queen, and ample honey supplies for them to feed on (Stankus). In the winter of 2006 to spring 2007, farmers noticed a loss of more than a quarter of the country’s 2.4 million bee colonies, which was attributed to CCD (pbs). Considering that in the winter months a honeybee colony has anywhere from 20,000 to 30,000 worker bees plus the queen, that means that there was a decline of tens of billions of individuals (backyard). These staggering numbers have caused an increase number of studies dedicated to the subject over the recent years. In the five years from 2008-2013, there was an increased amount of scholarly journals on the subject coming from different subjects of science. For example, 21% of the 140 references found in the study by Tony Stankus come from multiscience journal, an increase from 5% of the 192 articles used in his 1917 to 2007 study. Previously two-thirds of the references came from entomology journals, whereas in the new study the number is now down to 36%. The increased diversity of sciences studying this issue highlights the present danger. As the amount of information on CCD increases, the factors that cause this disease are slowly being narrowed down. Even though there are no pin-pointed causes, the scientific community has come to a general consensus that no single factor can be determined the sole cause, but a combination of many factors.

            The recent studies reflect the general belief for the main factors that all attribute to CCD. These journals focus on; viruses and how they affect the bees, low nutrition diets, toxins in the environment, and the dreaded Varroa mite. The most extensively studied virus is called Isreali Acute Paralytic Virus (IAPV). Symptoms of this virus are paralysis of bees, lower populations per hive, and premature dark coloring, all of which can indicate hive decline. Scientists have found IAPV present in bee populations from all over the world including China, Jordan, and Spain. It was found that when compared to IAPV-free bees, the bees that were infected had “significantly lower rates of homing”, which is the ability for the insect to find its way back to the hive. The infected population also showed a tendency to settle for food sources that contained lower concentrations of sugar. This behavior was not seen in healthy bees, in fact the healthy bees would not consume the diluted solutions at all, but they would continue to search for sugar-rich sources (Stankus). This behavior supports the hypothesis that the infected individuals are less efficient in hunting for food, or just desperate due to the ratio of energy spent to energy gained. The continued consumption of low amounts of food may lead to the eventual demise of the bee. Another virus that is rampant in bees is the Deformed wing virus (DWV). DWV causes bee larvae to have underdeveloped wings as adults and therefore cannot fly, which effects their ability to do their function as bees. Scientists have found evidence that honeybees have inherently weak immune systems that have “no measureable immunological response” to the presence of Acute Bee Paralyic Virus (ABPV), a genetically similar virus to IAPV.  This makes honeybees more susceptible to pathogens such as the IAPV and DFV viruses. 

Three Long Intros

            Most people believe that honeybees are just bugs that fly flower to flower, stinging whomever happens to walk into their path to the nearest flower. Bees actually place one of the most vital roles in modern day society. They account for 80% of all the pollination done in agriculture. If you are still not convinced, picture sitting at the dinner table and one third of all the food on the table disappeared. Bees do their part in the agricultural process by spreading pollen between flowers as they are blooming in the spring. Pollen is the male reproductive cell that all flower plants produce. As they fly from flower to flower, the pollen sticks to the bees and then steals a ride to whichever flower the honeybee goes to next. The pollen, which is one of the most nutritious substances in nature, is then used as a fuel source for the hive. However, since 2006 the beekeepers have noticed a sharp decline in their bee populations. This is a major problem because the estimated $40 billion agriculture business depends on these bees so that they can start growing crops again. Their sudden die off is causing a major buzz in the science community because they cannot determine a concrete cause for this issue. There are many different factors that can cause this die off, and there is now extensive effort to solve this problem because of their importance.

            I now see bees everywhere I look. No I’m not going crazy. One day, after struggling for almost an hour, my mom gave me the sudden idea to do my research article on honeybees. She got her ideas from a friend who is a supporter of local beekeepers. Most people would immediately ignore this topic, but I remember how interesting an article called “New studies find that bees actually want to eat the pesticides that hurt them.”  This article described how honeybees were attracted to flowers that had a pesticide whose main component was nicotine. This sparked my interest and caused me to research the topic more. I found that bee populations have been declining as much as 70% in Iowa over winter. This is an important topic because bee populations everywhere around the world are declining at a sharp rate. These bees are used by farmers across the countries to pollinate the food that we eat, or the food that we use to feed our livestock. Due to the complexity of bees, they have a delicate balance that can be upset by the littlest imbalance. When they experience an environmental stress such as pesticides they may begin to start behaving abnormally and then eventually die off. The death of large numbers of bees would be detrimental because then our food could not be grown as efficiently as needed. Not only are they needed to feed the growing seven billion people population in the world, but they also produce local honey that many people eat to increase their resistances to local allergies since their honey contains the pollen from all type of local plants.

            A world without honeybees would be one whose plate and fields would be significantly more dull than the one we have today. Even today our fields are beginning to have less wild flowers and other wild plants. The honeybees are responsible for the colorful plates that we have today. The managed populations of bees in America account for 80% of pollination in agriculture including, but defiantly not limited to, apples, avocados, blueberries, melons, and the clover that cows feed on. Since 2006 six, we have begun to see what this type of world may look like. In the winter of that year alone, over a quarter of the country’s 2.4 million beehives, which is tens of billions of bees, were lost to one disease called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD). Colony Collapse Disorder is describe as the sudden disappearance of worker bees from the hive, even though there are babies, a queen, and ample honey supplies for them to feed on. This phenomena has biologist baffled because of its quick impact and mysterious nature. This disease highlights the larger issue, that the bee populations can be so negatively affected by just one factor. A combination of many different factors including colony collapse disorder, global warming, monoculture, and pesticides have cause the national bee populations to decline by 30% over the last 5 years. The rate at which this is happening is increasing every year, last year being a 42% increase from the year before. The major problem of declining bee populations should alarm everyone because everyone has a stake in this issue. 

America, Home of the....Homeless

In the excerpt “America’s Wandering Families” by Loretta Schwartz-Nobel, the growing concern of starvation and homelessness in America is highlighted through not only statistics, but also real life accounts and the author’s interpretations. As stated in the introduction, many Americans believes that “nobody starves” in the United States. Schwartz-Nobel uses this excerpt to blatantly bring forth the issues of poverty and hunger to the middle-class/ upper-class citizens of America. That is her audience because she wants the people of America, who have the ability to help change some statistics behind these issues. I found her excerpt to be very effective in getting her point across. To build her ethos, Schwartz-Nobel uses a multitude of facts and statistics in the beginning of the article. She loads the beginning of her paper with facts because a majority her paper is narrative, but throughout the narrative she also includes prickles to help the people in the audience who look for hard facts to support claims. However, the most effective part of her excerpt is the use of pathos and narrative to connect the readers to people suffering from these situations. Schwartz-Nobel tells her story of visiting many homeless shelters in San Diego and describes her journey in a way that allows the audience to emotionally step into her shoes. Also during her visits, she uses three stories from three totally different people to show the issue of poverty of from all different perspectives. The story of her time with John, the Volunteer Director at the St. Vincent de Paul Village, tells his perspective of the homeless shelter. John provides a hopeful outlook on the issue, which causes the audience to believe that they can help. The story of Tina, a young new mom who recently entered this situation, illustrates to the readers that almost anyone can be thrown into this situation and it is not as easy as it appears to be to climb out of that hole. Her final testimony is from a single mother named Melissa, who is experienced living this life and struggles to feed her teenage son. Melissa was put into this story to demonstrate the illogical sense of the welfare/institutional system. More importantly, Melissa tells the hard truths of living the impoverished life. She talks about having to steal food in order to provide enough food for her and her son to survive. I like how she ends the excerpt with this testimony because the sometimes hard to digest information is what the audience reacts to most. In all, I found Schwartz-Nobel’s excerpt to be very effective is putting her point across due to her strong use of pathos and universal themes. 

Research practice

For my researched article, I chose to read “Caffeine makes for busy bees, not productive ones” by Ed Yong. This article is short but I found it to be interesting and it used enough research strategies to help me learn about this genre. I chose this article because it is from national geographic, and that magazine has built up its ethos as one that is good about the research it does and is not misleading. The title of the article also works to draw me in because the points out a connection between two things that I would not typically see together, caffeine and bumblebees. I like this article too because has the aspects of a research paper in it that would be useful to me. The beginning starts with a little background information describing the effect on caffeine on bees so that the readers can know exactly what the author means to talk about in this article. Yong also uses narrative during his paper during his paper to connect to the reader more. He talks about how he is drinking an early cup of coffee while he was writing this, and that makes the readers connect to him as a person more. It also serves a purpose to reflect how caffeine is important to humans too and it adds an aspect of caffeine that readers can compare to when deciding how caffeine effects bees rather than humans. Most importantly, Yong uses information from studies that other credible people such as scientists have taken. He uses question and answers during his essay to introduce how his resources apply to the topic of how caffeine effects honeybees, which makes the reader think more too. He ends the paper with commentary of what he has learned throughout his research, using skills such a drawing conclusions on how the bees are effected and using hard statistics to demonstrate the effect to people who need concrete results. In all I found his essay to be helpful but I think he should have put more prickles into his stories to make it longer and to help the audience understand the subject of bees more, it requires previous knowledge of bees to understand everything.  

 Yong, Ed. "Caffeine Makes For Busy Bees, Not Productive Ones." Phenomena Caffeine Makes For Busy Bees Not Productive Ones Comments. 15 Oct. 2015. Web. 18 Oct. 2015.