Noelle Noelle

This article was about attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and the controversies behind the disorder. I really like the title because it really makes readers question what it is about, also it kind of follows in the line of ADHD. The hook is good but I would like to know what ADHD stands for earlier in the introduction rather than having to find in later in the article. Also it was kind of confusing what “founder of ADHD” meant, maybe you could talk about how he founded it later in the article and important discover, etc. The introduction was good in general and provided good context on the issue. The listing of topics helps the reader follow the article better and keeps the article more organized. I like how the first paragraph added the authors own personal story to the paper, and allows the reader to relate to the author better. However, I think the first body paragraph could be elaborated on. For example, you can emphasize more how easy it was to get a prescription. I like how the next paragraph makes it seem like it is hard to get a prescription but the author subtlety makes it seem easy. The body paragraphs have good transitions between them. The body also is very strong on narrative and goo. There are prickles in the body but I think that there could be more. I think it may be hard to find more so this is not a big deal; also, the nature of this article does not call for a lot of prickles. The end of the body has a few short paragraphs that seem to be a little repetitive and could use some elaboration. It is only the draft so the author could still be finishing. The conclusion bring a good end to the article by bringing in everything. I really like the second to last paragraph because it makes me connect more to the author. 

Minh analysis

This research article was about transgender people, specifically people who feel their sex and gender are opposed. The authors introduction is good, and it provides good background information to provide context on what a transgender person is and the issue behind them (that they face extreme discrimination and internal strife). The introduction does not really have any interesting fact or story that draws in the reader’s attention, but I think that the title does a good job of that. So maybe if you add something into the introduction it would be even better. The paper is organized very well, and I like how every paragraph is clearly distinguishable for another one. The transitions between paragraphs are also pretty solid. I like how in the paper you do a very good job putting a human touch on what you are saying. You make it easier to understand the point of view of the transgender without using an actual quote or personal experience. The paper is also effective in that it does have prickles, such as the number of LGBT Americans. I would say that there could be more prickles but the nature of the paper isn’t based off facts and numbers. I like how the different topics have a specific case that elaborates on the topic. It helps the readers understand the issue at hand while also putting a human touch on it. The audience of this piece is also very wide. As pointed out in the paper, this is an issue that all of America faces so anyone can read this article and learn how to be more accepting of different people. The conclusion was very good at bringing the paper to a close and summarizing what the author felt. I like how the authors stand on the issue wasn’t apparent until it was specifically said. All in all I like the paper a lot and think it is almost ready to be finished. 

Zswoope

The topic was interesting but the introduction needs more background context to draw in more of an audience. There are not really any attention grabbers, such as an interesting fact or a story. Also the title could be more of an attention grabber because the title makes the article sound like an informational. The topics are introduced as a questions, which is good for organization and helping people follow the article. I like how the author added the questions because it opened my eyes on genetically modified organisms and all the different aspects of them. The transitions could be smoothed out better so that the relationships between the different topics are shown. It is effective that the topics are clearly outlined and described in each paragraph. However, the topic can be further expanded on to lengthen the article and provide a human touch to the paper. I like how there are questions that are used to introduce the next topics because it lets the readers know what the authors thought process is. I would like to hear more information about the human organ growing, that is a very interesting topic. It can also be used to expand on. The draft also needs a conclusion, but it is only a draft so it not a problem. The conclusion can be used to summarize your personal opinion about genetically modified feed or animals. Also I would have liked to see some more of the other side of the argument, such as cases of when a genetically modified organism went wrong. All in all I like the article, it is interesting and informative. The article could use some polishing but this is only the draft so it is fine.